Nothing last forever. most people change because they are entitled to do so.  i guess im one of those people. from a shy type girl into an opinionated bitch who always have something to say. i dont noe if i should be happy with it but the thing is that I AM JUST BEING "ME". im done in the point of my life where i choose to doom myself and be trap within the past although what had happened can't be changed and it will always be part of me.

reading back to what i wrote before is something spectacular. i cant believe how down i was. all those poems i wrote. all those dramas. OMG! i can never imagine it to be that deep. i guess i was really hurt... anyways it was past n SOMETHING ARE NOT MEANT TO BE.

college life- stressing, a lot of school work but behind those shadows, i see light within my group of friends. nothing can be compared on how i feel when i am with them. ionno. maybe its just something that i want to do now since i missed those chances back on my high school years...

okie...

since this i a daily diary. lets talk about wat happened to me today!

school, made invitation, chill with friends... had a little fight n still not over! i was acting like a bitch n im loving it! why? don't ask me that question idiot! duh... i'm very moody n i swing mood like every hour. nothing new! n the winner for MS. TARAY is... KHIMBERLY! hehehe.. nice.. i lyk!

the taray session did not last for a long time. when weng left! i chill down for a whole n markie n lorna cheered me up! markie is hillarious! can;t even imagine how hard i laugh when he pretends to be guy... he is so cute... walabs pareng markie (as a friend). lorna was way too serious with the invitation...

hmp~ speaking of lorna... bestest buddy! im tired of her face... kidding... talking with her feels so nice! love it!

i trust her with my secrets... if u still call dat as secret

nways..

me sleepy! going to be

i will continue my journal tomorrow... watch... dramas here i come!

i am back

i am back...

new life... new me!!!

things that never been shared...

never been talked about

now in broadcast!

maybe this will be my last entry in my xanga... i am currently using myspace blog... pls check it out...

http://www.myspace.com/xsotic_hollaback

winter break...

how my life been? great... winter vacation... i have time to rest but still have to work my ass off 4 times a week! have to read freakin scarlet letter for my english finals! what else... n sleep n have fun!

friday, Dec. 16- get together at my house with close friends after school but ofcourse before that, i was like walking santa clause carrying all this gifts around school giving away to people! it was really nice to see people liking what ever u gave to them! with matching hug... no kisses! kinda ewwieee....

its my first time to actually give gifts to other. all this time i just accept n accept! i just wish i could share my life to everyone!

i was watching GAME KA NA BA... omg.. i was crying... people's life story are so sad... again! it makes me realize that i am fortunate that i have a family, a house, can eat more that enough, can get what i want and healthy. i am blessed to have all my organs functioning! unlike others who lost their sight, cant hear, no arms, etc.... but why is that so... they loose important things but still get to celebrate life n appreciate it! unlike me who is very lucky to be complete n alive, but still keep asking for more....

it just makes me wanna wish to take every pain in the world in exchange of my death... my death = mankind's pain... i say that once in a while in my prayers... i wanted to help. i want to have reason for living... "live life to the fullest" they say but what can make life be live to the fullest! what can really make me happy? i noe its not money because i have that... that's the reason i work... boyfriend? maybe... all i want is someone i can call my own! more friends? maybe.. i dont noe...  but something is missing... i want to have a purpose! i want to live life...

masaya ang araw! it started as fine! i am so tired from doing research paper the whole night then yea... i skipped first period! i am so darn lazy to wake up and go to school...

late in the afternoon, we decoraded the FSU christmas tree... it was okie

then after... we went to charmie's house with maria n joy. omg... i finally meet john llyod cruz and bea alonzo in person! im not really a big fun but seeing someone so popular drive me nuts... i get to talk to john llyod in person... umm.. he said he doesnt go to school n sayang daw! then si bea, she is kinda snobbish n shy! she looks tall at TV but we are just about same height! john was 3 inch taller than me! both of them have small faces n they are very white! people think actor n actress are flawless but i guess, from what i saw, they are just ordinary people that breaks out once in a while....

one more hilarious thing is what charmie's brother said about heart n echo! he asked john's manager about heart n echo if they are really together... n he sai that "nagyuyugyugan na nga un eh"... hahaha.. i can't help it so i freakin laugh so hard in front of john llyod n he was just der as if guilty n noes that it is true! lol... enough about them... continue about me...

now

im kinda sad! i have no clue why! just when i got home, my whole mode change... i think it is about being ugly shit again... OMG. what in the world is there a person as concieted as i am but as unconfident as well! its driving me nuts... i have to convience myslef that i am pretty or sumthing i guess... maybe all i need is love! (u noe what i mean)

laterzz... i cant really explain what is bothering me right now!

what i think about love...

love is an affection that we feel for someone but who are we in the world to know if this is real or just an illusion? most of us are trapped across the border line of reality and our fantacies. we are either in one side or another. frequently, we live not into reality because of fear so we escape it through means of living a fantacy thinking that in our fantacy, love is everlasting. love in reality is not like a fairy tale which alwayz have happy endings. in reality, pain is something that can and should be tolerated to reach the point of what we so-called "Love".

love are said to be blind though for me, love is not blind; love makes you see something beyond eternal. love is not undefined, it is defined by our hearts only. love is not willing to set someone free but to let yourself free. love is not part of life, it is the whole meaning of life.

somethimes we think we have met the right person but who and how can we say that HE IS THE ONE? no one can really tell who is the one that is meant for us. sometimes we think that you love someone even though it is just what your mind says to ur heart!  it is supposs to be the other way around; love should be a function coming from the heart sent to the mind. in every person u will get with, u will think what he or she is THE ONE but only one person is THE ONE. no one can really tell. ONLY TIME... live life. TRUE LOVE WAITS... meaning, it is not something u can find in 1 or 2 year; TRUE LOVE COMES ONCE IN A LIFE TIME.

the more we sick for the one, the more it will take longer for him to arrive.

YOUR FIRST LOVE ISN'T ALWAYS UR TRUE LOVE. UR TRUE LOVE IS YOUR DESTINY...

DESTINY- minds set together, heart beats as one, near or far it is as if ur holding togethers hand. u may not noe him or her yet, but it will come in time... THERE IS ONLY ONE PERSON DESTINED FOR U.

THINKING YOUR INLOVE DOESNT MEAN U REALLY FELT LOVE, ACTING AS IF UR INLOVE DOESNT REALLY MEAN U ARE BEING LOVED... LISTENING AND FEELING WHAT IS INSIDE UR HEART AND WAITING FOR HIM OR HER TO ARRIVE IS WHAT I CAN SAY LOVE.

LOVE ONLY COMES ONCE IN A LIFE TIME AND IT IS THE MOST MYSTERIOUS THING THAT CAN EVER HAPPEN TO AN INDIVIDUAL... DONT BE AFRIAD TO FALL INLOVE EVEN TO THE WRONG PERSON BECAUSE U CAN AND WILL LEARN FROM EVERYTHING U DO.

EVERYTHING HAVE REASONS AND LOVE IS THE REASON...